I’ve long been a fan of this Edmund Lee quote that talks about surrounding yourself with people who believe in you, people who still dream, people who get things done. If you’re lucky, these qualities are collectively embodied in the same people. In other words, if you have five friends who are dreamers who never make anything happen, and then another five friends who are all about getting things done, but haven’t acted on a dream since they were toddlers, then you aren’t quite as far ahead of the curve as you might like to think. But you have ten friends – so that’s cool.
There’s something about human nature that gravitates toward a dichotomous existence. People are this or that. They can’t be both. We yearn to categorize. We frown at fence sitters. Perhaps this is particularly American. I’ve spent a lot of time in Italy for work, and nothing challenges one’s cultural norms more than traveling and working across cultural boundaries. In Italian meetings, I would often ask questions like, “So…do you guys do this or that?” I was often met with blank stares, questioning glances as if to say, “Why is she trying to pigeonhole me?” Apparently, in Italy, no one puts Baby in a corner.
It was in my nature to try to move the conversation along an invisible decision tree that ended with a definitive choice. They were about to show me another way.
So, there I was with my this-or-that question, and invariably the answer was “Dipende” – it depends. I followed up my first question with, “Well, sure there can be exceptions, but there’s probably a rule too, right?” More blank stares. Italians live in a world of rules and regulations, but they don’t necessarily want to talk about them. And they certainly don’t want to commit to them. They’re eager to leave room for “dipende”.
When it comes to identifying the dreamers and the doers in your life, people who answer “dipende” are precisely what you’re looking for! They have the ability to see both sides of a coin. They aren’t ruled by a single school of thought. They understand the value of expansive thinking, but balance it with the need to get things done. Find them. Embrace them. Incorporate a bit of that Italian mindset in to your daily routine.
Drinking a bit more wine probably won’t hurt either.